Well today was unexpected. No, not the part where it became Wednesday, but rather the events and emotions that followed.
Today was the day my employer announced that he officially offered my job to the new hires and they officially accepted. He’s hiring two part-timers to replace me; one is a good friend of mine whom I know will do an excellent job and the other is a seasoned veteran in the insurance industry. Both will fit in well, both will take quality care of our clients, and both will do a great job. My job.
Along this journey me and Si, we’ve rolled with the punches, for the most part. We’ve done what’s been asked, what’s been required, and we’ve rolled along on the day to day tasks just checking little (and big) things off the list; things that bring us one step closer to being together.
Today however, today is the day I was forced to admit that my time here at this place is coming to an end. My full time, steady as can be, five-almost-six-year position, steady-paying job is almost over. Yikes. I didn’t think it would hit me this hard, I mean we all knew I’d be leaving my job (duh) but I guess this was the push I needed to understand the full scope of what’s going on here: I’m leaving the United States and I’m moving to another country to be with the man I love. And to be without a job of any kind until after we’re married (due to the legalities of a Fiance Visa).
That’s a lot to take in and it’s also a lot to process. I went home on my lunch break today, had some soup, and talked with Si. Though it was more like he tried to reassure me whilst I… Well… Have you ever done something so drastic and so scary, a well-meaning leap of faith if you will, that you literally became ill? Yup, as of today, me too.
To top off the reality of the day’s events, it turns out both Si and myself are fearful of the same thing; that we’ll end up with an overworked, underpaid bloke who will review only one of the millions of sections of our visa application and deny it just because he can or because he may be having an off day. All the work, all the money, all the time and stress, and all of the hope down the drain because some guy we’ve never met, some guy who doesn’t really know us and our relationship was having a bad day. Wow, talk about a gamble.
I guess that’s what you do for love, you gamble. Even when it gets scary and overwhelming, you gamble on love because without it, what are we here for?